Focus on content

Most of us value message content based on who delivered it and how it was delivered. We give importance only to a message delivered correctly by someone we like. This is a biased reaction. Such behavior could put us at a disadvantage if the original message could be beneficial to us. It is wise to not trust everything we hear. But, we must analyze everything we hear before we accept or discard it.

"Epporul yaar yaar vaay ketpinum, apporul meipporul kanbadarivu" is yet another tamil aphorism by Thiruvalluvar. It translates as "Whatever anyone may say, discovering the true meaning behind their words is real wisdom".

Respect

One of the most important values that my cultural heritage has fostered in me is the respect for people. An impeccable role model for me in this regard is my maternal grandfather. He was a wealthy businessman who hailed from a prestigious family. But, he was humble and never exhibited an iota of arrogance to prove his highness. I have observed this working in his favor all the time... in managing his business and social interactions.

Siru thurumbum pal kutha udavum is a Tamil saying which means, even a lowly wood splinter has its use as a tooth pick.

Yes, it is true that time is valuable and we may not have a lot of time to spend with every soul in the company. But, we can and must make time for a lot of little things that can show our respect for people. These little things are:

• smile or say few kind words as we pass people
• listen when others are talking
• encourage participation and value feedback
• thanks or apology when due
• birthday/anniversary wishes
• congratulations on achievements/wedding/child birth
• support/condolences at the time of loss
• lend a helping hand when needed

These acts must be sincere and expressed the same way regardless of receiver's position in the company. To develop this sincerity, we need to identify and remember what we respect in the receiver - their age, knowledge, business ethics, positive attitude, ...

Consistent practice of respect will help build charisma and create followers. Respect imparted will be returned magnified for people in management positions.

Smile :)

My soon to be two year old son and my wonderful wife have one thing in common. As soon as they see people, they make eye contact and smile instantaneously. Several people have mentioned this about them - it is a noticeable trait. This is a great technique to master.

The smile must be sincere and natural. For that, we must find a convincing reason for us to be happy to see people. To me, this reason is... I need people to accomplish things and be happy. I view each person as a good resource who could help me some day. What if some people never help me and are not nice to me? I am not going to make the situation any better by not smiling at them. If I smile at them and continue to do so, they will realize that I am one of the few that are nice to them and some day, they will come back around and be good to me.

How do we develop this habit to become natural? Practice makes perfect. We can start the practice with the less critical interactions we have everyday - during shopping, dining, and casual social interactions.

A smile is a curve that sets everything straight - Phyllis Diller

Avoid misdirected reactions

A very common human reaction to problem is to vent. This vent sometimes takes the form of irritated outbursts. This form of outburst is counter productive to the originator itself. Worse yet is having this misdirected at someone who had nothing to do with the original problem. People misdirect these reactions at people/animal/things that they perceive to be weaker/nicer than the original source of the problem. Thereby, such outburst would provide them a less aggressive/reactive/destructive target. The pleasure gained by such outburst is very short lived and could cause embarrassment or remorse later. We have to remember that professional success is directly related to effective relationships. Misdirected reactions could kill relationships. The best ways to avoid misdirected reactions is: (a) isolation and relaxation, (b) unemotional focus on resolution, (c) rejoice momentarily with some other fun activity

Help often

Life is full of challenges for all of us. We must be happy for all those times that we are not bogged down by those challenges, and we are sailing smooth. At times like these, there may be others who are not sailing quite as smooth as we are. We must take these opportunities to help them overcome their challenge. Since our mind is free from any major issues that we need to solve for ourselves, this is the best time for it to take on more. The more help points we can earn at times like these will pay us many fold later. First, it will help build relationships within a corporate structure. This in turn will be huge to get things done (even across department/company lines). Next, it will make it easier for us to get help when we need it. Last, but not the least, it helps build charisma through positive deeds. If we put out a helping hand to someone who has not previously shown much concern for us, it will help them realize their mistake and change their attitude and behavior towards us.

You can get anything you want.. IF.. you help enough other people get what they want - Zig Ziglar

Look on the brighter side

My eight year old daughter just said this to me during our usual father-daughter conversation the other day. She had never said this before and I was pleasantly surprised by her usage of the phrase. It was a gentle reminder for me to focus on positive and be positive. Since then, everytime I sit down to teach her or have a conversation with her about good habits, I am reminded to not only start on a brighter note, but I am also reminded to stay positive for the rest of that day - it is a good thing that I always start the date with an interaction with my wonderful daughter. Lesson learned... it would be helpful for us to pick some visible clue in our house, on our drive to work, at work, or elsewhere preferably earlier in the date, to show positive and negative characteristics. Understand and appreciate the positive characteristic that makes the object what it is and/or what it could be. This could be things like:

• a two year old who is just terrible to manage - without that child your life will be meaningless, that child's energy is a source for you to emulate, it is a trigger to your creative brain to come up with creative solutions to handle that

• a flashy combination of paint colors on a building - look at the creativity of the person who did that, their courage to be different, their solution to grab your attention every day

Put others in your shoes

Most of us are able to think clearly most of the time, and suggest solutions for others' problems. When it is our problem, we have our emotions affecting our clear thinking. We also get extremely cautious because, we have to deal with the repercussions and they all seem bigger when it is ours. For these reasons, it is best for us to try to separate us from the problem for a short while. Then, view and analyze the problem from a third person's standpoint. This will provide clear solutions - the best that we can come up with given the circumstances. How hard is it to separate one from a problem situation? It is harder to do than to say. But, it is possible. Like anything else, the more we practice this, the better we can get at it. It is easier to start practicing this with smaller problems.

Have direct conversations

Something that most of us learn very very early in life (as kids) is to get attention by reporting to someone (of power) when we think some one else has made a mistake.

On a personal note, all of us parents must discourage this in our kids in order to bring them up as self-confident individuals capable of handling situations themselves. To start with, we must teach what they can do next time on their own before coming to us. Then, we need to reinforce this.

On a professional note, we must always first talk to our target group (who we have a perceived conflict with) directly. If they are not able to work/discuss with us after we have tried all possible approaches, then, we could go ahead and involve a higher authority to help out with the situation. In my experience, almost always, direct conversations result in a solution. I emphasized "perceived" conflict above, because, most often conflicts are due to incorrect perceptions and they can be cleared through calm conversations. Most important is that this approach still leaves us with a positive image and creates no rivals. If we ever have to work with the target group (and there is a good chance of that in this small world), we want to be on good terms with them.

Have the difficult conversations

Most of us consider it best to avoid difficult conversations by ignoring them. Most often, such a response is treated very similar to having had that conversation and aggravated the other party. In my experience, it is best to have these difficult conversations with as much of a positive tone as possible. First, we must put on our positive hat and see what we can do to help the situation. Then, we treat the other party as a reasonable individual and put ourself in their shoes. Then determine what/how they would like to hear what we have to say, and have the conversation. If we do all this, we would have done our best. If the other person still is not happy, immediately, they will realize later, that we did very well under the circumstance. This is a great way to improve communication skills in general. It takes that difficult task to a very good closure that you do not have to worry about closing. I have had positive feedback from my team whenever I have done this. Such positive feedback goes a long way in building loyalty and trust. This in turn improves productivity.

Think like an entrepreneur

A lot of times we tune our performance to the corporate environment we are in. If all is well, we go the extra mile and do more than our best. If the environment is not perfect, our output is sub optimal. This reactive behavior is not growth oriented. This makes us mechanical and controllable by others' actions.

We are in the best position to look out for our good. So, we must. If we assume that our circle of influence is our own company, then everything external to that circle should seem like external factors that affect our business. We will not let our business go down with external influence. Instead, we will fight to survive and grow. If we adopt this strategy, this will give us a lot of experience to handle adverse conditions, and in turn provide personal satisfaction and happiness. This in turn will show in the results we produce. It will be noticed by somebody and this will pave the way for long term success either in the current organization or another or our own.

Focus on strengths

SWOT analysis is a great tool to understand more about ourselves as a whole and plan out a strategy that will be best for us. This does narrow down the categories for thought to 4. But, there are line items under each of the categories. It then requires a lot of discipline to connect the S to the O and overcome W while mitigating the Ts.

I firmly believe that the human mind works best if it can focus on fewer items. So, I suggest the undivided constant focus on S (STRENGTHs). If everyone is constantly thinking about what they can do best, they will identify the fitting opportunities as they come up. Then, as they start to pursue the opportunities, they can identify the threats and plan for them. Constant focus on strengths also puts the mind at a "can do" attitude all the time. It also fosters original thought that can spur innovation.

Start every day with undistracted accomplishments

This is perfect for early risers. For those of us that are not, we just need to make time every morning for individual tasks that require no involvement from others. This can be as small as responding to backlogged emails, working out, doing yoga, or meditation. With no dependency on others, these tasks are sure to succeed if we, as individuals have the determination to do them. This sets a positive tone at the start of the day. It will provide a sense of accomplishment, however, small.

Savor every accomplishment

We all accomplish some thing every day. It is just that we move past those without much emphasis. As a manager, we clear hurdles for our teams all the time... as small as getting the right resource to move a project along without noticeable delay. As a leader, we bring about changes in peoples behavior quite often... as small as making someone consistently follow a company/department/team procedure. We play a part in building relationships withing the company and between companies. Every act that is directed towards keeping the ship sailing smooth is worthy of taking note. We avert bigger problems some times through what appears to be a simple act which is part of our everyday work/responsibility. Most big problems stem from small issues, and every small positive act to avert that must be recognized. After every small accomplishment, we must take a brief moment to analyze what actions of ours lead up to that accomplishment and feel good about ourselves for doing that. This will help us fill our minds everyday with our strengths and capabilities to bring about a positive change. It will also serve as a mental knowledge base that we will consciously build everyday. Our mind will be able to draw from this knowledge base unconsciously whenever needed... thus paving the way for more and bigger accomplishments.

View everyone as positive people

Negative thoughts surface in us when we read more negative intent/outcomes in other's actions. If we tuned our mind to read every action of other's as driven by some positive motive, we will not get frustrated with thoughts that they are out to get us. At a very minimum, this will keep us happy and focused on doing our job well. This is very important to stop any cascaded repercussions as well. If our immediate feeling to one of other's actions is unhappiness, then, it would help us to analyze what positive reasons would they have done that for, and what positive outcomes that could provide for us. As soon we find some points for these questions (and we will, if we think), the same situation could make us happy. In the corporate world, everybody has a job to do and passionate professionals always try to do their best. This could be aggressive/abrasive at times, but, it would be best for us to not take any of it personal. If we are smart and passionate, then, our laurels will speak for us.

I cannot thank my mother-in-law enough for being my valued role model practicing this everyday.

Appreciate sincerely and often

All hard work feels good when it is appreciated. Appreciation does not have to be expensive and elaborate. This is probably why most people do not do it as frequently as they should. It can be as simple as a verbal thank you. Effective appreciation needs to be sincere. True expressions of appreciation must be crafted appropriately for the receiver. The receiver must be made aware that their efforts are valued. This cannot be mechanical, because repetitive behavior gets ignored very easily. Each expression must be crafted with attention. As much as possible, the details of the effort must be understood, and the impact of the delivered result must be understood. The message must convey how each aspect of the effort relates to the big picture. This will also invoke greater ownership among the team as well. Sincere appreciation in difficult situations involves being a part of the team, feeling their pain and helping to ease that. Appreciation is the best form of positive reinforcement. More frequent the appreciation, more loyalty we will be able to build up. And this is key to getting things done... as a manager.

The key aspect of every performance review is to summarize the continuous assessment of the team member. This is a prime time to emphasize the positives first. Emphasizing the strengths and contributions at this time fills the team member's heart with good feelings about what they are doing. Then, their mind becomes very receptive to discussions relating to improvement.

This is a valuable lesson that I learned from my wife, and I'm reminded everyday by my 18 month old son's appropriately placed "Goo Job!" praises for actions around him.

Believe in people and expect the best from them

When we consistently believe in the capabilities of our team to achieve and deliver, then we will treat them with respect, encourage them, and appreciate them whenever possible. This will produce the results as per our belief. This whole positive effect is usually referred to as the pygmalion effect. There is a very good write up about this by Eric Garner that is worth reading rather than me explaining it here.

Understand the strengths of others

A personal journal of positives (as indicated in my previous blog) reinforces a "can-do" attitude in us. But, this is sufficient as long as we are individual contributors. As a manager, we need to get things done using our teams. For this to work effectively, we need to take the time to understand the positives/strengths of each member of our team. Then, we need to focus on how we can appropriately provide proper assignments to each team member that mostly utilizes their strengths. This way we will be setting them and ourselves to succeed. Ideally, we should have identified the strengths of each team member at the time of hiring them and we should have made sure that the team is diverse enough to meet the goals.

How to build a positive mindset

Now that I have written my bits on "what" and why", it is now time to start looking at the "how". Since this is a big topic with a lot of different techniques, the "how" will be series of notes. This is the first one in that series.

To build a positive mindset, we must fill our mind with positive episodes from our own lives. This will be reassuring to us, that positive things have happened to us and can happen again. Example of positive episodes could be as simple as how hard we worked on a science project in middle school to get everybody to admire us or as big as how our positive attitude helped us recover well from a serious medical condition. A very simple exercise to fill our minds of this is to start writing a personal journal describing our approach, our thoughts and our pride associated with each episode, one episode at a time. The frequency of this writing can be up to each individual, just frequent enough to not let the positive attitude fade away. I would recommend atleast once a week. As mush as possible, we must try to reflect on the episode that we just wrote until we write the next one. The more we think about it, the better we will feel and the better we feel, more likely we will be to focus on the positives around us and not get bogged down by the negatives.

This approach is a great a confidence builder, and it puts us in control of building up our confidence level. We are the only one who know all about us and we must take charge of our ability to perform optimally, everyday.

Why Positive Management?

Clarity of thought is key to sound decision making. Having one central value to drive decisions provides an easier path to clear thinking. Optimism is the essence of any growth oriented strategic planning. Optimism is the manifestation of internal positive well being. Productive synergy is the natural outcome of a happy team, and happy teams are made up of appreciative members and an encouraging leader. From Mahatma Gandhi's principle of non-violence to Dr. Randy Pausch's last lecture, history is full of examples of positive means to achieve results. These are result oriented acts that one can be proud of for a long time to come.

What is Positive?

Positive energy leads to the creation of win-win situations.

A picture that stays in mind from my childhood days is of the 3 monkeys that represent "Hear no evil, see no evil, speak no evil". I would like to add to this... do no evil. This is another way to explain positive.

In the words of Thiruvalluvar, positive is "Inna seidaarai oruthal ,avar naana nannayam seithuvidal". This tamil aphorism means "How will a man punish those who have done injustice to him? By doing good back to them and shaming them". with his kindness"