Positive conflict resolution

As leaders, we face conflicts among members of our group; between members of our group and members of other groups; or between us and others. It is relatively easier to resolve conflicts where we are not a party - because we can provide the objective view of an outsider in those conflicts. When we are involved, we need to step back, and separate us from the conflict to see it objectively. We must list out the facts and write out the solutions for each. Solutions must focus heavily on what we can do vs. what others can do. Present these solutions to the parties involved and get consensus on the direction. A lot of times, we will be able to influence others to volunteer their actions by focusing on ours. For this, it is very important to focus on what to do and never express emotions.

Positive is NOT passive

Passive in this context can either be considered (a)inactive, or (b)receiving, enduring, or submitting without resistance. This is a negative posture that will not produce results. There is a tendency to misunderstand a positive approach to mean passive. Here are the highlights of a positive approach that differentiates it from passive:

• A positive approach is based on determination to resolve difficult situations, not shy away from them
• A positive approach is marked with persistence, which is not laid back
• A positive approach involves continuous improvement
• A positive approach could involve elimination of unproductive resources/relationships
• A positive approach drives business decisions from the mind, not the heart
• A positive approach is to achieve financial goals for business

Being positive is to achieve success through productive collaboration

Swallow dissatisfaction with a smile

A busy life has the potential to generate dissatisfaction from family, social and work situations. As social bodies, we may tend to share this pain verbally, physically or emotionally with the group around us. Such spreading of pain could, at best, provide temporary relief through camaraderie. It is of prime importance for a manager to keep their team happy and upbeat, in order to get work done. This is even more important when we as managers are feeling down, because we need as much positive results as possible to lift us back up. By getting our team and others around us all upset, we will only bring more problems to us at a time when we are not in a position to resolve them. So, it is best for us to keep our problems to ourselves by swallowing it quickly...with a smile.

Effective Performance Review

Most often performance reviews are performed in the last minute with very little effort. Today, there are tools that will help you generate review documents, to ease this process. Unfortunately, missing out on an effective personnel review is a very big detriment to gettting things done.

To be a fair and diverse assessment, evaluations have be constant...throughout the year.

Here are some tips to for effective reviews:

• Establish clear, fair and reasonable goals and communicate them accurately.
  Our goal is to have every member of the team perform at 100%. So, we must clearly state what will get each member a 100%.
• Maintain a brief log of all the accomplishments and misses of your team members. Appreciate accomplishments and encourage solutions to address misses during periodic (weekly) meetings. Strive towards everyone getting a 100%.
• Listen constantly to what is being said and what is not being said. Take notes. This will provide insight into the strengths and aspirations of our team member.
• Keep track of external informal feedback about our team member that is always flowing in different forms.
• When the time comes for the semi-annual/annual assesment, always start with the team member strengths. Then, talk about the misses that have been previously discussed and solutioned. What worked and what did not. The more detailed the review, the more credible this process will be. Explain the rational for scoring. Discuss career plan/position options based on our observations and any team memeber expressed interests.

We must use performance reviews to reinforce that we really care about our team member. Once they know that we care, team member ownership and responsibility will automatically build up.

Result oriented with grace

By its very nature, a managerial assignment comes with challenges involving people. Every manager has a fair amount of control over who they get on their team, but, they have little control over who they have to interact with on other teams. There are times when hurdles will surface that hamper perfect results. An effective manager must focus on addressing the issues with creative solutions, while still keeping the productive team members and outside resources happy. Pointing fingers and venting frustration on people will only worsen the situation. Identifying the cause of the hurdle must only be looked at after a solution has been put in place to deliver the result. Cause analysis is to prevent the problem from recurring and any possible corrective action. Idukkan Varungaal Naguga Adhanai Aduthoorvadhu Agudhu Oppadhill is yet another couplet from Thirukkural which means address your troubles with a smile. There is no other way to conquer them. Being an enforcer in a professional setting does not necessitate being unfriendly. Friendly bosses can definitely have high expectations from their teams.

Perform for pride

Even in a professional setting...we sometimes may not think adequately and in turn act in a manner that we are not really proud of. This is more prone to happen when we think that this is not important enough for anybody to get into the details of this in the near future. This may get us past that hour or that day. If we are conscious of the quality of our work and work ethic, this will be in our mind for a long time and it will make us guilty. If we are not as conscious of those, we still run the risk of being exposed, and we are in fear when put in situations warranting the unraveling of our work. Such feelings are a true detriment to peak performance. They put us in the defensive and divert our focus away from working towards positive growth and success.

Every act of ours must reflect our professionalism. They must be our source of pride. They are our building blocks to establish a 100% referenceable professional circle. They will definitely guarantee peace of mind, which is the essence of continued success.

Professional separation for better

Time and again, resource managers are placed in what is usually perceived as an uncomfortable situation to alter the employment status of one of their team members. This situation does not have to be very uncomfortable. Here are ways to make this a positive interaction:

• Managers must provide constant, clear feedback to their team members on expectations and their performance against expectations (there is a whole book that can be written on this topic - I am just going to limit it to this bullet point here). This feedback must also include timely improvement suggestions.
• Managers must continue to monitor improvements while simultaneously assessing alternate strengths in the team member. When improvements are not seen, the team member must be alerted of the importance of improvement for their career and the company's success.
• When improvements are not seen as expected and communicated, managers must look at alternate areas where the team member could be an asset to the company. If there are alternate areas, then the transfer opportunity must be presented to the team member with a nice explanation of the observations.
• When there are no openings in the alternate areas, or when the alternate areas do not see a good fit, or when there are no alternates, the manager must share the observations and provide suggestions for alternate job areas where the team member could excel in. They must also explain the efforts made to find them a home within the company.
• If there are no specific alternate areas that can be readily identified, then the process of identifying that must be explained to the team member.
  

In all these situations, the team member must be informed of all their strengths that the manager has had a chance to observe. The message must be clear that continuing the relationship would not be in the interest of either the company or the individual. Examples can be cited where individuals have risen to achieve greater success after separation from an unsuccessful job position.

Focus on content

Most of us value message content based on who delivered it and how it was delivered. We give importance only to a message delivered correctly by someone we like. This is a biased reaction. Such behavior could put us at a disadvantage if the original message could be beneficial to us. It is wise to not trust everything we hear. But, we must analyze everything we hear before we accept or discard it.

"Epporul yaar yaar vaay ketpinum, apporul meipporul kanbadarivu" is yet another tamil aphorism by Thiruvalluvar. It translates as "Whatever anyone may say, discovering the true meaning behind their words is real wisdom".

Respect

One of the most important values that my cultural heritage has fostered in me is the respect for people. An impeccable role model for me in this regard is my maternal grandfather. He was a wealthy businessman who hailed from a prestigious family. But, he was humble and never exhibited an iota of arrogance to prove his highness. I have observed this working in his favor all the time... in managing his business and social interactions.

Siru thurumbum pal kutha udavum is a Tamil saying which means, even a lowly wood splinter has its use as a tooth pick.

Yes, it is true that time is valuable and we may not have a lot of time to spend with every soul in the company. But, we can and must make time for a lot of little things that can show our respect for people. These little things are:

• smile or say few kind words as we pass people
• listen when others are talking
• encourage participation and value feedback
• thanks or apology when due
• birthday/anniversary wishes
• congratulations on achievements/wedding/child birth
• support/condolences at the time of loss
• lend a helping hand when needed

These acts must be sincere and expressed the same way regardless of receiver's position in the company. To develop this sincerity, we need to identify and remember what we respect in the receiver - their age, knowledge, business ethics, positive attitude, ...

Consistent practice of respect will help build charisma and create followers. Respect imparted will be returned magnified for people in management positions.

Smile :)

My soon to be two year old son and my wonderful wife have one thing in common. As soon as they see people, they make eye contact and smile instantaneously. Several people have mentioned this about them - it is a noticeable trait. This is a great technique to master.

The smile must be sincere and natural. For that, we must find a convincing reason for us to be happy to see people. To me, this reason is... I need people to accomplish things and be happy. I view each person as a good resource who could help me some day. What if some people never help me and are not nice to me? I am not going to make the situation any better by not smiling at them. If I smile at them and continue to do so, they will realize that I am one of the few that are nice to them and some day, they will come back around and be good to me.

How do we develop this habit to become natural? Practice makes perfect. We can start the practice with the less critical interactions we have everyday - during shopping, dining, and casual social interactions.

A smile is a curve that sets everything straight - Phyllis Diller

Avoid misdirected reactions

A very common human reaction to problem is to vent. This vent sometimes takes the form of irritated outbursts. This form of outburst is counter productive to the originator itself. Worse yet is having this misdirected at someone who had nothing to do with the original problem. People misdirect these reactions at people/animal/things that they perceive to be weaker/nicer than the original source of the problem. Thereby, such outburst would provide them a less aggressive/reactive/destructive target. The pleasure gained by such outburst is very short lived and could cause embarrassment or remorse later. We have to remember that professional success is directly related to effective relationships. Misdirected reactions could kill relationships. The best ways to avoid misdirected reactions is: (a) isolation and relaxation, (b) unemotional focus on resolution, (c) rejoice momentarily with some other fun activity

Help often

Life is full of challenges for all of us. We must be happy for all those times that we are not bogged down by those challenges, and we are sailing smooth. At times like these, there may be others who are not sailing quite as smooth as we are. We must take these opportunities to help them overcome their challenge. Since our mind is free from any major issues that we need to solve for ourselves, this is the best time for it to take on more. The more help points we can earn at times like these will pay us many fold later. First, it will help build relationships within a corporate structure. This in turn will be huge to get things done (even across department/company lines). Next, it will make it easier for us to get help when we need it. Last, but not the least, it helps build charisma through positive deeds. If we put out a helping hand to someone who has not previously shown much concern for us, it will help them realize their mistake and change their attitude and behavior towards us.

You can get anything you want.. IF.. you help enough other people get what they want - Zig Ziglar

Look on the brighter side

My eight year old daughter just said this to me during our usual father-daughter conversation the other day. She had never said this before and I was pleasantly surprised by her usage of the phrase. It was a gentle reminder for me to focus on positive and be positive. Since then, everytime I sit down to teach her or have a conversation with her about good habits, I am reminded to not only start on a brighter note, but I am also reminded to stay positive for the rest of that day - it is a good thing that I always start the date with an interaction with my wonderful daughter. Lesson learned... it would be helpful for us to pick some visible clue in our house, on our drive to work, at work, or elsewhere preferably earlier in the date, to show positive and negative characteristics. Understand and appreciate the positive characteristic that makes the object what it is and/or what it could be. This could be things like:

• a two year old who is just terrible to manage - without that child your life will be meaningless, that child's energy is a source for you to emulate, it is a trigger to your creative brain to come up with creative solutions to handle that

• a flashy combination of paint colors on a building - look at the creativity of the person who did that, their courage to be different, their solution to grab your attention every day

Put others in your shoes

Most of us are able to think clearly most of the time, and suggest solutions for others' problems. When it is our problem, we have our emotions affecting our clear thinking. We also get extremely cautious because, we have to deal with the repercussions and they all seem bigger when it is ours. For these reasons, it is best for us to try to separate us from the problem for a short while. Then, view and analyze the problem from a third person's standpoint. This will provide clear solutions - the best that we can come up with given the circumstances. How hard is it to separate one from a problem situation? It is harder to do than to say. But, it is possible. Like anything else, the more we practice this, the better we can get at it. It is easier to start practicing this with smaller problems.

Have direct conversations

Something that most of us learn very very early in life (as kids) is to get attention by reporting to someone (of power) when we think some one else has made a mistake.

On a personal note, all of us parents must discourage this in our kids in order to bring them up as self-confident individuals capable of handling situations themselves. To start with, we must teach what they can do next time on their own before coming to us. Then, we need to reinforce this.

On a professional note, we must always first talk to our target group (who we have a perceived conflict with) directly. If they are not able to work/discuss with us after we have tried all possible approaches, then, we could go ahead and involve a higher authority to help out with the situation. In my experience, almost always, direct conversations result in a solution. I emphasized "perceived" conflict above, because, most often conflicts are due to incorrect perceptions and they can be cleared through calm conversations. Most important is that this approach still leaves us with a positive image and creates no rivals. If we ever have to work with the target group (and there is a good chance of that in this small world), we want to be on good terms with them.

Have the difficult conversations

Most of us consider it best to avoid difficult conversations by ignoring them. Most often, such a response is treated very similar to having had that conversation and aggravated the other party. In my experience, it is best to have these difficult conversations with as much of a positive tone as possible. First, we must put on our positive hat and see what we can do to help the situation. Then, we treat the other party as a reasonable individual and put ourself in their shoes. Then determine what/how they would like to hear what we have to say, and have the conversation. If we do all this, we would have done our best. If the other person still is not happy, immediately, they will realize later, that we did very well under the circumstance. This is a great way to improve communication skills in general. It takes that difficult task to a very good closure that you do not have to worry about closing. I have had positive feedback from my team whenever I have done this. Such positive feedback goes a long way in building loyalty and trust. This in turn improves productivity.

Think like an entrepreneur

A lot of times we tune our performance to the corporate environment we are in. If all is well, we go the extra mile and do more than our best. If the environment is not perfect, our output is sub optimal. This reactive behavior is not growth oriented. This makes us mechanical and controllable by others' actions.

We are in the best position to look out for our good. So, we must. If we assume that our circle of influence is our own company, then everything external to that circle should seem like external factors that affect our business. We will not let our business go down with external influence. Instead, we will fight to survive and grow. If we adopt this strategy, this will give us a lot of experience to handle adverse conditions, and in turn provide personal satisfaction and happiness. This in turn will show in the results we produce. It will be noticed by somebody and this will pave the way for long term success either in the current organization or another or our own.

Focus on strengths

SWOT analysis is a great tool to understand more about ourselves as a whole and plan out a strategy that will be best for us. This does narrow down the categories for thought to 4. But, there are line items under each of the categories. It then requires a lot of discipline to connect the S to the O and overcome W while mitigating the Ts.

I firmly believe that the human mind works best if it can focus on fewer items. So, I suggest the undivided constant focus on S (STRENGTHs). If everyone is constantly thinking about what they can do best, they will identify the fitting opportunities as they come up. Then, as they start to pursue the opportunities, they can identify the threats and plan for them. Constant focus on strengths also puts the mind at a "can do" attitude all the time. It also fosters original thought that can spur innovation.

Start every day with undistracted accomplishments

This is perfect for early risers. For those of us that are not, we just need to make time every morning for individual tasks that require no involvement from others. This can be as small as responding to backlogged emails, working out, doing yoga, or meditation. With no dependency on others, these tasks are sure to succeed if we, as individuals have the determination to do them. This sets a positive tone at the start of the day. It will provide a sense of accomplishment, however, small.

Savor every accomplishment

We all accomplish some thing every day. It is just that we move past those without much emphasis. As a manager, we clear hurdles for our teams all the time... as small as getting the right resource to move a project along without noticeable delay. As a leader, we bring about changes in peoples behavior quite often... as small as making someone consistently follow a company/department/team procedure. We play a part in building relationships withing the company and between companies. Every act that is directed towards keeping the ship sailing smooth is worthy of taking note. We avert bigger problems some times through what appears to be a simple act which is part of our everyday work/responsibility. Most big problems stem from small issues, and every small positive act to avert that must be recognized. After every small accomplishment, we must take a brief moment to analyze what actions of ours lead up to that accomplishment and feel good about ourselves for doing that. This will help us fill our minds everyday with our strengths and capabilities to bring about a positive change. It will also serve as a mental knowledge base that we will consciously build everyday. Our mind will be able to draw from this knowledge base unconsciously whenever needed... thus paving the way for more and bigger accomplishments.